Sometimes we feel drained of energy. We do not want to talk to anyone, and we do not want to hear of anybody; we don’t desire to watch or read anything. The general feeling is that we have become a shell. No one is living inside. As if we had posted a sign: “Out on vacation.” Who cannot recall coming out of bed after an illness and feeling she had no strength to deal with anything? Please leave me alone. Usually, the lack of energy comes after dealing with complex issues or diseases. But recently, I feel that way at the close of every day. Not to mention how fast the days fly!
It’s not as if I worked for hours, built buildings, or engaged in tiring physical exercise. There is no objective justification for this lack of time and energy. I figured that “time and energy wasters” sneak on without us being aware of them. The biggest energy eaters are devastation and sad events that produce stress — for instance, the news about an entire family killed in a car crash, even if I have no connection with the family. But, right away, a sense of distress rises, overwhelming me and settling in the depths of my consciousness.
There are also people who “steal” our energy. I only said howdy to a neighbor, and he immediately asked about the water pressure. And even before I had a chance to answer, he went on to tell you about his son, who found an excellent water engineer. The son works in Hi-Tech and has three kids. His wife is a lawyer, so she sent a letter, and the engineer came and advised. The plumber, which is the best in the world, came and repaired and now it is possible to wash all the children in the bath, and it does not take hours and the water are not spilling around. He tells everything with one breath, and you become a captive audience – nodding in the right place and expressing feelings: admiration, sharing sorrow, etc., and feeling how your time and energy flow away.
Coaches tell about a philosophy professor that came one morning to the classroom and placed an empty jar in front of his students. He filled the jar with large stones and asked his students if the jar was full. The students responded that the jar was full. He added some small stones to the jar and shook them to mix within the spaces of the large stones. Again, he asked his students if the jar was now full. The students replied, again, positively. The lecturer poured into the jar sand, which filled the cracks. Once again, he asked his students if the jar was full. This time one student responded that he thinks that the jar is full, but from previous experience, it probably is not. And indeed, the lecturer poured some water into the jar.
Then, the professor asked his students what they took from the “experiment?” They replied that it seemed that they had much more time than they believed. The professor responded that this was not the outcome of the experiment. The experiment showed that if we didn’t put the large stones in the jar first, we would not put them in at all. In other words, we must first identify the vital things in our life and attend to them as we might miss them by our further engagement with the sand and the water of our life.
I see as energy-eaters the people that sometimes are our close friends and family. We feel it is inappropriate to tell them that we are busy with “the large stones.” For instance, people who love drama are attached to the news day and night and have to make sure that I too hear the latest news; Out of concern for me, of course. The people who “like” to help sometimes push their nose into things that are none of their business, and I am busily shoving their good intentions away. In the end, they are insulted and complain later that they have been taken advantage of, and everyone is ungrateful to them. And there are those who “like” to suffer, but only when others know about it. They do not sit alone in the dark (as the Polish Moms do, Darling) but bother to complain and detail their “difficult” position. For instance, a good friend wails for hours and days about a father/ husband/ son who doesn’t handle their lives according to her criteria. And so, I feel compelled to help, advise, try to share my knowledge, and even offer help. But she does not listen since she just wanted sympathy and maybe make me feel guilty as I have no troubles, or I don’t whine about it.
The last word: “If I am not for myself, who am I? And when I am for myself, what am I? And if not now, when? “Tractate Avot, 1, 13 – When I’m unengaged!